Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
