Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
