i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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