So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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