I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
