i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize