Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Shame is for Republicans.
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