I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
