get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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