remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
