I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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