you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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