My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
