I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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