Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
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