he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
