I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
