I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
