Christians are straight up FREAKS
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
