I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
