It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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