I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
