Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We have so much sex to catch up on
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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