Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
