saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just googled if crying burns calories
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize