just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
