The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
