um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
