I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize