Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize