tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
