dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
