After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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