I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
