don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize