I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
