what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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