if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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