You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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