dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
