I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
