Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
