It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
