Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
