I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
