she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
