this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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