We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
