Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
