last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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