Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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