I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
