i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
