I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize