i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
