I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
