Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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