I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
