i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
