I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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