What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm at about main and main street
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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