a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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