i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
