is your mom at the bar?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
