she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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