i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
