he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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