if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
