I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
